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Durham have responded.... by telling me they'll respond with an offer in a month's time.
But that's not important. What is important is that I had an interview at Exeter and aced it. No, really. It's one of the good things about the sciences - if you're wrong, you're wrong. No professor is going to try and hem and haw or guide you down a particular line of thought. If you're right, then mein liebe gott, you are so right.
Ach. I rather wish I had applied last year, actually, because it makes such a difference when you realise that you aren't actually half bad at whatever it is you want to do. Having Universities giving you interviews and offers etc. is a good way to establish that. Ah, well. You live and learn and of course I love where I'm at now so it's not a regret or anything. Just a musing.
It also makes me resent the rather severe bouts of depression all the more. So far, all has been stable on that front and I hope whatever impetus triggered the really horrible patches over the past three years has more or less gone (I suspect it was a last flare up of hormones, before the final adjustment to physical/mental maturity... like a sort of acne of the mind...). Nonetheless, now I know how bad I can get, if anything even begins to slightly head in that direction, I'm going straight down pill alley.
...
I say that, of course, but to do so will mean finding a GP and I dislike seriously talking about depression because it sounds like a self-pitying excuse, even if it isn't. It's also a little too much like therapy: at least with confession, you get a free rosary.
You know you're in the country when you see pheasants crossing the road, rather than feral pigeons. That and the public loos in the stations get shabbier and more disgusting, the further the radius from a town/city centre you go.
But that's not important. What is important is that I had an interview at Exeter and aced it. No, really. It's one of the good things about the sciences - if you're wrong, you're wrong. No professor is going to try and hem and haw or guide you down a particular line of thought. If you're right, then mein liebe gott, you are so right.
Ach. I rather wish I had applied last year, actually, because it makes such a difference when you realise that you aren't actually half bad at whatever it is you want to do. Having Universities giving you interviews and offers etc. is a good way to establish that. Ah, well. You live and learn and of course I love where I'm at now so it's not a regret or anything. Just a musing.
It also makes me resent the rather severe bouts of depression all the more. So far, all has been stable on that front and I hope whatever impetus triggered the really horrible patches over the past three years has more or less gone (I suspect it was a last flare up of hormones, before the final adjustment to physical/mental maturity... like a sort of acne of the mind...). Nonetheless, now I know how bad I can get, if anything even begins to slightly head in that direction, I'm going straight down pill alley.
...
I say that, of course, but to do so will mean finding a GP and I dislike seriously talking about depression because it sounds like a self-pitying excuse, even if it isn't. It's also a little too much like therapy: at least with confession, you get a free rosary.
You know you're in the country when you see pheasants crossing the road, rather than feral pigeons. That and the public loos in the stations get shabbier and more disgusting, the further the radius from a town/city centre you go.
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hmmmm i was incredibly unhappy in my second year of uni and was sent to therapy by my school (university procedure for those of us who miss exams through family reasons but hey it was free). at the time it was something i was totally against. i really couldn't see the point of those 45 minute friday morning sessions. i dreaded it. as the months wore on, however, i became much more open to the idea, as the changes in me became apparent.
you're probably right, i think many of my troubles were hormonal (made worse by living with rather inconsiderate boys and absolutely awful family problems at the time). my point is this: i very much hope you don't ever find yourself where i was during university - hell, that's why i deleted my old lj, it was so angry and negative- but make sure you consider all your options. my therapist changed my life, i went from being someone who was completely unstable mentally to someone who is happy and proud of who she is. while drugs have their place, keep an open mind, because i found that opening my mind up and listening to what it was telling me and addressing those problems worked far better than any chemical ever could :)
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