mmoa_writes

Religious/Philosophical rambling ahead: you have been warned.

It's been two weeks since this occurred and I've been wondering how to write about it. Writing always helps me organise my thoughts, whih is why I bothered in the first place.

I was putting out that week's washing on the line outside: it didn't look like rain and the breeze would blow out the clothes dry and freshen them up quickly as well, so out I toddled on rather crappy concrete paving with a basket full of laundry and the pins.

On the ground at my feet were two bumblebees. Very new tot he world, one could tell as they were black (you could just tell where the yellow stripes would be, but only just) and the pollen sacs where a pretty bright orange  on their legs. One was already dead. I usually hate treading on or having any excessive contact with bees or wasps, selfishly really, because they're too big to squish withoug feeling them beneath your shoe (*shudders*). However, something of my mother was in me that afternoon, and so I brushed the corpse away to the flowerbed with my foot.

Now the last one, that was still alive: it was still much too early for them to be about and this was one of the unlucky ones. It was barely alive, moving round in circles, no idea where it was going, at a rather slow pace. Crawling, really.

And that was my Epiphany.

Now, I can  analyse it as any good theoligian would; ponder the matter philosophically, but at the time, I actually saw more of God in that crawling bee than I had in many things and yes, it has had an impression on me since then. In many a way, that bee was God; that bee was the world. I'll leave it at that before further exemplifying my pathetic (and shameful) use of metapors.

I know it sounds like New Age hooey (and that hurts: I'm an Anglican. An English one at that...) but, well... in many ways, the Yin Yang symbol sums up God completely (My Biblical 'proof' comes from somewhere in Isiah, but surely all you need is the whole Bible, a never ending cyle of violence and love and war and blood and tears and sweat...). It's why I get so annoyed with many a Christian when they go off rattling about the 'God is Love' without truly listening to what they're saying. To quote many an elderly, Christian female, it is wanton, frivolous and rather blasphemous too when you really think about it. If you can just go on prattling rehearsed verses on the subject of God, doesn't give a great example of how much you love and respect 'Him'. I could make a comparison, but mine are always stupid.

Then again, it's not as bad as that line from CS Lewis which is quoted so many times I could kill ('Jesus was either a lunatic, a liar or the Son of God' how about... a severely misquoted carpenter turned rabbi?). Grrr...

The bee finally died a bit later in the day. Gone two hours, from when I first saw it, and it was still crawling, but at a slower pace - so it was still going and took a while to die. It's corpse stayed there for the following two and a hald days before onr of the blackbirds came long and ate it (I am assuming).

As for normal stuff, well... the sound on my computer isn't working, so I can't watch the new Harry Potter trailer which I was so busy squealing about today with a friend, I went to the wrong class and had to backtrack all the way. Partly my Maths teacher's fault for showing me up in class, *sighs*