mmoa_writes

It's difficult to know where to begin.

This Good Friday has been very different in terms of where I am (spiritually, physically, mentally...) from that of last year. I expected that, for all the questioning and seeking and searching that I have done in comparison to last year, Good Friday would not have the same meaning in terms of it's impact, to me. Last year, I found myself stunned. This year, I find myself stunned.

So?

...

It's not so much (I think) that I've been seeking more of God, as it is that more of God has found me. This Good Friday has finally helped me establish myself as much as it is possible to do.

-I said something similar to this last year, and I know I will say something simlar to this next year -

I guess I'm sort of amused; for all my wanderings, my wonderings and whatnot, it seems that I am where I started off again, though it seems to look rather different (refurbishing, obviously).

Compared to how I was last year, I am far less confrontational. I no longer find it terribly pressing to be able to place my beliefs in a logical order: this has certainly saved me from another bout of depression. I'm one of those people which hate anything mildly out of order or place - I have only just gotten round to accepting that red-red-blue is just as pretty as red-blue-red (don't get it? Don't worry).

I'm not as paranoid. I'm easier to talk to (or at least, so said one friend who I had a particularly difficult time with last year) and - yup, a true Anglican - I find God everywhere.

I think that's all I can say for now, in truth. A thousand debates are still whirring away within my cranium, but that's just me. A thousand little demons and angels and goodness-knows-what are as well, but that's just me. I can deal with it now which is more than I could have said last year.