mmoa_writes

There have been a lot of things that I have seen recently that have caused me to wonder and brought a lot of things home to me.

I've never lost a loved one - not a family member. One friend in Primary School who wrote 'see you!' as a good-bye message in my leaving gift of a dictionary/thesaurus, my close friend's mother, who was our accomplice in the adoration of Alan Rickman, my Grandmother in Nigeria who I barely knew (something that still causes me to broil slightly). But these, as cold as it may seem, I don't know... of course it doesn't seem as hard now because I am writing a long while after these events...

Enough of this. What I wanted to say was...

To be honest, I don't know, but I really just wanted to write this as my way of saying to everyone that I know that yes, I do indeed still remember you, will keep on doing so and hold you dearly in my thoughts. You've all helped me in so many ways, making me laugh, cry, think, rejoice...

I've been really worried for a friend for the past two days. This morning my fears were quelled, but this friend and I, well, we have a few things in common and she doesn't speak much (generally) which I sometimes find disconcerting, but other times find very valuable. I would very much like to speak to her properly again but I am well aware of the fact that now is definitely not the right time. I just feel rather (yes, self-obssessed goth over here...), well, out of it, to be honest, in all meanings of the word. Mainly my fault, yeah, but I still feel it. I feel permanently ont he edge of things. I look at the people I see every day and... man I don't even dare hazard a guess at what's in their head. I feel as if I don't know where I am, who they are, and what the hell they're doing here/there/everywhere.

ieremias , you are in my thoughts and prayers because that is the most I can give you. I know I haven't commented much on your journal, but man, I do read it and my offerings are the least I can give you in return for your thoughts and inspiration that you've given me.