mmoa_writes

Ah yes. The quiet friend who I was worried about is fine: the entire situation was explained to me by another acquanitance. She came in on Friday, though, and looked absolutely shattered.

I mean, she had fucking bags under her eyes and looked so damn tired, I felt like hugging her, only she was talking to the Bee and co. so I didn't.

Hrmmm... I now realise of course, that it's my own damn fault, this whole mess. It's true: when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. I assumed that they all utterly loathed me and thought me an idiotic cunt, which is how I see myself anyway, no matter what people tell me. I knew how daft I could get when I'm with them, so I basically clammed up -sort of.

The person who called me her best friend two years ago will hardly speak to me: not surprising, I could never work out where I was with her or how to speak to her properly, so that was bloody inevitable. The only one amongst them now who I can talk to isn't sure whether to consider me as a real friend or not because I seem (apparently) so bored with her and everything that she and/or the others say. Heh. If only. Nah, with me, being the twitty asshat that I am, I just have no idea how to relate to these people. I just isolate myself because it's so much easier to deal with. Oh, I listen to them, sure and appreciate their conversation but I am utterly bewildered as to how to actually speak to them in return: what side of myself I should represent...

People say 'be yourself'. Well, who can you be if you don't really know what yourself is. It's made even worse because everyone sees you in a different way so... yeah. Helpful.

My little sister's confirmation today. Our current bishop reminds me of a robot/super geek. The church we went to is in Putney and you have no idea how badly stereotyped the home congregation were.

You got the Portly, mildly intellectual gentlemen, the wire-jawed, middle-class, blonde dyed suburban housewives ("Halloooo dahling! So larvely to see you my de-arr!" *Mwa-Mwa*). I saw two men who looked scarily like Jeffery Archer and one who I was rather taken with who looked like Steve Buscemi crossed with whoever-that-guy-is who plays the Green Goblin in Spider Man. He is married, however, and I was in a Church amidst my own congregation, so... (lmao).

I am very proud of my petite souer. V proud. Hugged her continuously throughout the day.